i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
