you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
