my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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