Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
