You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
