I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
