my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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