Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
