TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
