I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
