ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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