if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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