So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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