dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
As shirtless as possible
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
