I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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