The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
