We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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