Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
