Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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