im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
