So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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