I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
