Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
