The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
