I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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