the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
