I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you had me at cake vodka
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
