pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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