you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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