We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
