You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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