guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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