What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
