he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
