so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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