I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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