i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
