My first STD was from a foam party
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
