We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
