I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
