just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
