hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
