so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Congratulations! We have a period
why is half of my head shaved?
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