I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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