we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
