Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
