this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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