Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
