I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
