By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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