Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
