Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
