They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
