is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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