is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
