there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
