I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
