i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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