Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
