Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
