You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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