He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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