Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
