What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
