Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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