Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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