Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So squirting runs in the family.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
