I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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