you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
