I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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