So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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