I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
