We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
there's paper in my vomit.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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