I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
