I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
